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Friday, 26 June 2009

  • Pouring Tea

    I'm currently working on two books, both of which I've just started. One is "When God Writes Your Love Story" and the other is "Lila, an Iquiry into Morals". They're two very different books, so hopefully my brain doesn't explode taking them both in at such close proximity.

    The author states in Lila that he has, over the years, taught himself to write down all of this thoughts onto index cards, referring to an analogy about teacups: The old tea needs to be poured out first in order to add new leaves and more water, or else everything just ends up spilling everywhere and you get, uh, crap. In order for his mind to be empty and ready to form and accept new ideas, the author writes down his current ideas. It sounds like something I need to do more, but with more mundane, non-philosophical thoughts.

    I've been trying to motivate myself lately to get up and volunteer for something. Partially because I am unemployed and feel the restlessness that comes with it, but primarily because it's something I've wanted to do and realize it's a small start to making a difference in the world. I've been thinking about applying to help at the Mustard Seet (www.theseed.ca) and after reading about their projects and programs they sound like a really solid ministry. For some reason though, an old laziness creeps in whenever I attempt to get my ass in gear. The smallest obstacles are an excuse to leave the application process for another day, and then applying becomes another thing I have to do that sits on my mind, making me feel guilty and taking some enjoyment out of whatever else I end up doing.

    I want to do it. I just need to do it.

    Another thing I've been thinking about is housing for next year. What should have been a simple, no-brainer task (look for roomates, look for house, call, sign contract) has become yet another dilema swishing around in my head. The choices: 1) Live with a new acquaintance, an Intervarsity alum, at a place hopefully near campus in order to serve the community and share the Gospel through intentional prayer and action. It's a great opportunity to really learn the meaning and implications of prayer, and also to challenge ourselves to practice living out the Gospel in the midst of strangers and friends alike. 2) Live with Marcelo and others in a new FrASK house, commiting ourselves to open up our home to students (particularly ASK students) in order to share the Gospel with them via our love, hospitality, and general presence in the university community. Both choices are appealing, but preferably a decision can be made sooner rather than later. I also hate dissappointing people and wish that I could just make everyone happy. A little help here, God?

    I've also taken up mountain biking as a new hobby. More on that some other time.

    //Andrew

    Currently
    Lila: An Inquiry Into Morals
    By Robert Pirsig
    see related

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

  • Why Georgia

    I am driving up 85 in the
    kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
    just stuck inside the gloom



    Four more exits to my apartment but
    I am tempted to keep the car in drive
    and leave it all behind

    Cause I wonder sometimes
    about the outcome
    of a still verdictless life

    Am I living it right?
    Am I living it right?
    Am I living it right?
    Why, why Georgia, why?

    I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
    wood in places to make it feel like home
    but all I feel's alone
    It might be a quarter life crisis
    or just the stirring in my soul



    Either way, I wonder sometimes
    about the outcome
    of a still verdictless life

    Am I living it right?
    Am I living it right?
    Am I living it right?
    Why, why Georgia, why?

    So what, so I've got a smile on me
    but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
    Don't believe me
    Don't believe me
    When I say I've got it down



    Everybody is just a stranger but
    that's the danger in going my own way
    I guess it's the price I have to pay
    still "Everything happens for a reason"
    is no reason not to ask myself

    If I'm living it right
    Am I living it right?
    Am I living it right?
    Why, tell me why
    Why, why Georgia why?



    Thanks to ritn, tdiguy, & xciteticx for the pictures

Sunday, 23 November 2008

  • Music Share cont.

    Hey all,

    Here's another session of music sharing for y'all. Continuing on in my crusade to redeem the rap genre in all of your eyes, I present "Tie My Hands", by Lil' Wayne and featuring Robin Thicke. I think it's a song about dealing with the disaster in New Orleans that happened 3 years ago (wow), and especially Lil' Wayne coping personally by making this song.

    'Wayne is a NO native who was displaced when Katrina hit, and to hear to hear a song so subdued and contemplative from him clearly shows to me that this is a topic close to his heart. There's no screaming, swearing, or crass metaphors in this song, because there's no need. You can hear his sadness, anger, and hope rolled into his raspy whisper as he mourns the loss of his hometown, blames those who stood idly by (us?), tries to tell other victims to hold on, and asks 'why' to someone... anyone in every line he speaks.

    BTW, yes, this is the guy I dressed up as for Halloween.

    //Andrew

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Sunday, 19 October 2008

  • Music Share, Part 1

    There's a lot I want to blog about, but I don't really know how to write it right now haha. Either writer's block, laziness, or both. For now, I want to introduce a new series: Music Share!

    Since Pandora became unavailable in Canada, I've found it very difficult to get introduced to new music. I'm sure many people feel the same way, and would like a way to continue to expand their musical horizons. To that end, I'd like to start posting up some of my favorite songs from different genres and explaining about it. It would be great if other people did the same, and we could all share our music together =D.

    First up:



    I want to help clear up rap's reputation as some crude excuse for a genre to give people space to yell a lot and talk about mistreating women. This is a song by Tupac Shakur (Two-pack Shaker?), a man known for many things, including his often offensive lyrics,  popularizing the misunderstood "Thug Life" motto, multiple incarcerations,  feud with former-friend, Biggie Smalls, and his untimely death.

    I think many people see Tupac as one of rap's most famous / infamous icons, but also ultimately a goon because he's black, uneducated, and a... well, a criminal. I don't think many people would fathom that he had a very sensitive side (not helped by the fact that he's composed some very demeaning songs about women), but I'd just like to put this on the table. With this, I humbly suggest that, at the very least, his personality and character was more complex than people gave him credit for. I'm sure anybody raised by a single mother, be they black, white, brown, or yellow, would develop a fairly sensitive nature, and a deep respect for women.

    Rap, much like Tupac, can be / is much deeper than it initially seems.

    Anyway, enjoy, and I look forward to hearing people's songs!

    //Andrew



Sunday, 28 September 2008

  • "The Reason"





    [Daughter:] Hello?
    [Kirk:] Hey, it's me, Kirk, I need to speak to Bishop
    [Daughter:] Sure, hold on...

    [Jakes:] Hello?
    [Kirk:] Hey... I got some stuff I need to talk to you about
    Lately, pastor I've been...having all these crazy kind of dreams
    It's hard to sleep, I can't eat...scary, you know
    [Jakes:] I know what you mean
    [Kirk:] I mean, every since that Tuesday, seems like life's just getting real strange
    [Jakes:] I hear ya...
    Anthrax, terrorist attacks and... I ain't even trying to get on no plane
    [Jakes:] I feel ya
    [Kirk:] ...and you know when I try to pray, there's a voice that telling that God's not real
    [Jakes:] You know that's just the enemy
    [Kirk:] Yea, but you ain't feelin' me
    [Jakes:] No son, I know just know you feel...
    See, just because I preach and teach don't mean I don't get scared sometimes
    [Kirk:] yea, whatever, but you T.D. Jakes
    [Jakes:] Well, then I don't make mistakes...?
    [Kirk:] Well...
    [Jakes:] Now, let me tell you what's on my mind...

    When your smile is gone (He cares)
    [Kirk:] Yea, but I feel so alone (He's there and...)
    [Jakes:] Although, your heart is heavy, God said: (every burden I will bear)
    [Kirk:] See, but you don't know my (my pain)
    And I'm getting so sick and tired of all (this rain)
    I just got laid off, and to top it off the rent's due, so tell me what I got to gain?
    [Jakes:] Well, see, trials come to make (you strong)
    Storms won't last (last long)
    [Kirk:] But how can I trust God in all this mess?
    [Jakes:] Well, see that's the reason for the song
    See, wherever you go there's one thing ya got to know
    God, is right there by your side (weeping may endure for a night)
    And he told me to tell you everything (everything's gonna be alright)

    So thank you for calling...it's always good to hear from you
    [Kirk:] yea, but...
    [Jakes:] But I gotta go now
    [Kirk:] wait a minute...
    [Jakes:] I got another call on line 2
    [Kirk:] ...But I ain't through!

    [Kirk:] See I'm sick and tired of all these church folk talking about stuff ain't as bad as it seems
    See, y'all don't feel my pain...
    [Jakes:] I don't have pain...?
    [Kirk:] I don't see how ...you on the cover on Time magazine
    [Jakes:] See, but you're looking at now and you don't know how I struggled and what I've been through
    [Kirk:] Yea, whatever...
    [Jakes:] Now, you crossed the line...
    [Kirk:] I'm just speakin' my mind
    [Jakes:] O.K. so let me speak mine, too:
    I've made some mountains, I've seen some valleys, I've even had to cry sometimes
    Like when I lost my mother
    [Kirk:] Your mother?
    [Jakes:] My mother.
    [Kirk:] I'm sorry...
    [Jakes:] No son...that's fine: ...see life is full of ups and downs but God said
    the storm won't last long
    [Kirk:] But how'd you make it through?
    [Jakes:] Boy, I thought you knew...it was His (love that kept me strong)

    When your smile is gone (He cares)
    [Kirk:] But I feel so alone (He's there and...)
    [Jakes:] Although, your heart is heavy, God said...(every burden I will bear)
    [Kirk:] yea, but see...y'all don't feel (my pain)
    And I'm getting very sick and tired of all this (this rain)
    Just got laid off, and to top it off the rent's due, so tell me, Bishop, what I gotta gain?
    [Jakes:] Didn't I tell you trials come to make (you strong)
    And those old storms won't (last long)
    [Kirk:] How can I trust God in the midst of all this mess?
    [Jakes:] See that's the reason for this song
    Wherever you go there's something ya got to know (God still cares)
    (weeping may endure for a night)
    And he told me to tell you (everything's gonna be alright)

    [Kirk:] Thank you pastor
    Jakes: Any time...
    [Kirk:] I think I can make it now...just tell me what I need to do
    [Jakes:] Just pray this prayer with me...

    Say: Father (Father) forgive me (forgive me) I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
    Please help me (help me) I love you (I love you) I need you (I need you)
    Hold me (hold me) Jesus (Jesus)
    My heart (my heart) my soul (my soul) please take (please take) control (control)
    Right now (Now) now (now) now (now) (right now)

    [Jakes:] When you ain't got no smile (he cares)
    [Kirk:] and even when you feel so alone (he's there and...)
    [Jakes:] Although your heart is heavy, God said (every burden I will bear)
    [Kirk:] And even in the midst of all ya (pain)
    And when you're sick and tired of all the rain (this rain)
    Remember that the rain won't last always...and in Christ Jesus, you got so much to gain
    [Jakes:] You see your trials come to make you (strong)
    And the storms won't last (too long)
    [Kirk:] Remember my brother, my sister...it's only temporary
    [Jakes:] See that's the reason for this song
    Wherever you go
    [Kirk:] There's something you've got to know!
    [Jakes:] God is still there (weeping may endure for a night)
    [Kirk:] And told me to tell you (everything's gonna be alright)

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

  • "Unconditional"

    I've been thinking of something since China: When Jesus loves us, it can't be based on any particular reason, right? If His love was rational, reasonable, and well thought-out, then as soon as the reason disappears , so would His love. At the same time, it also can't be based on emotion. As absurd as it may sound, I don't believe love is merely an emotion, or rather, a response of the brain to chemical signals released into the body. Powerful, tangible, controlling and largely involuntary, such a feeling does not last, much like the fleeting beauty of fireworks. The "magic" of such love... magically disappears.

    SO. Love, based neither on logic, nor on emotion. What kind of love is it?

    Although I believe understanding this love, receiving it, and giving it out go hand in hand, but the more I think about it, and the more I experience it, the more I realize it more or less transcends many notions of love that I have embraced in the past. The most peculiar thing is, although I don't understand it at all, I also think that, in some small degree, I've given out this sort of love on some occasions, and have been the recipient of it as well. It's difficult to explain, but the motivations and other subtleties behind our actions reveal a reflection, however faint, of this 'true' love from God.

    It's strange, right? I don't think I'm the only one that feels the more I understand this love, the more difficult it is to verbalize it... But I don't think it's just in my head. I also don't think I'm alone when I say that the more I experience it and learn to identify it, the more joyful I become!

    ** The point **

    Here something I learned about His love in China: His love is filled with hope, not expectations. As the team progressed into the second and third weeks with our partners, more and more of us began to run into challenges. One in particular affected many members of the GP team, and that was the burden of expectations. Expectations from ourselves, on our partners, and in many other relationships.

    Obviously, there were expectations on the Canadian team members. Whether they were real or fabricated, from our friends, family, church, or simply imposed by ourselves, we all felt some sort of expectation to perform a certain way, or to accomplish something in order to 'succeed'. Many of us felt frustrated because we weren't having deep, meaningful conversations with our partners, or perhaps they simply didn't seem interested when approached with religious topics.

    There were also expectations on our partners. Unconsciously, we all ended up placing some expectations on our partners. The example about being frustrated with not having 'deep' conversations with our partners applies here also. We EXPECTED our relationships with our partners to look a certain way, and we judged the quality of the relationship based on those expectations.  We EXPECTED our partners to act a certain way, and when supposedly bad habits showed up, we ran into conflict.

    Somehow we made up expectations, and they gave us a platform to judge our relationships and ourselves, rather simply to love. Somewhere along the way, we all realized that it wasn't Godly at all. Jesus never has expectation in his Love, or anything that would make it conditional. If we keep putting expectations on people and ourselves, then the way we view our relationship with Jesus will be modeled after that as well. The failures of tax collectors and prostitutes, and the social awkwardness of outcasts never stopped him from loving them, and loving them lavishly. It was a really good lesson to learn during the GP, and one that definitely crosses oceans.

    **The Application**

    That's all well and good, but applying that to our daily lives and our relationships is, well, really effing hard. What am I doing to do the next time somebody flakes on a coffee meeting? What if bonding with someone doesn't necessarily mean playing videogames, but something boring (sorry) like fishing? If loving means serving with, or under, someone who's leadership style is the opposite of mine, could I still do it? What if someone has the complete opposite view about this whole expectation thing?

    I guess it's worth a try, right? Whoever wants to, let's remember to keep asking Jesus for help with it, because we will definitely screw it up ^_^.

    //Andrew

Sunday, 08 June 2008

  • Artists have to grow up too.

    Review time!

    This week we'll be talking about Usher's new LP, "Here I Stand". As always, Crimson and Azuri will be covering it to keep things more or less fair and unbiased.

    Crimson: It's great to finally hear from Usher again after a 5-year hiatus! After doing a stint on broadway, as well as getting married, he's finally released another album! Those who are looking for the slick R&B stylings that define Usher will not disappointed, but if you listen closer there's something drastically different.

    Azuri: Correct. Usher has made a dramatic lyrical turn in this new album, ditching the player attitude of previous releases that's made him so bad but so good. In turn, where there would usually be songs about him going over to get freaky with a girl, there are songs where he'll sing about getting freaky with his wife.

    Crimson: Well, that's only half true.

    Azuri: Oh right, sorry. It's not (ain't?) "sex", it's "making love".

    Crimson: Throughout most of the album, the songs have a strong lyrical basis in faithfulness and fidelity, with Usher talking about how he's left the game behind for a special lady, his struggles with being honest, or just being thankful to said lady. Although the lyrics have changed (probably to mixed responses from fans), the production values of the songs are still top-notch.

    Songs like "Something Special" line the typical R&B rhythm with jazzy guitar riffs for a simple, and yet elegant song about appreciation. "What's Your Name" is the closest thing the album has to a club jam like "Yeah" from Confessions, composed largely of huge bass and a catchy synth line.

    Azuri: What's with the synth in club songs these days? It's like the 80's are back, except this time they're trying to do it right. Anyway, I'm gonna throw my vote out for "Love in This Club Pt.II", which is one of my favorite songs in the album.

    Crimson: With Beyonce?

    Azuri: Yea, but despite her talent she's not the one that makes the song. The guy that raps near the end... Lil' Wayne? His voice is hypnotic, I don't know if they ran a week whacker through is esophagus or he just smokes 3 packs a day, but I want to hear more.

    Crimson: Okay well, I guess that wraps up our review today. With the addition of learning about Azuri's affinity for raspy cancer voices, the message you can take out of this review is that everybody has to grow up eventually, and this year it's Usher's turn.

    Azuri: This album completely fits an ex-player R&B artist who has just entered the world of marriage and fatherhood, but that doesn't mean that his music has lost its edge yet. It's tough to say that his music has grown by leaps and bounds, but his attitude is definitely more... refined.

    VERDICT:
    and a half Stunna Shades faces out of a possible 5


  • Restless

    This was going to be my obligatory emo-post (edit: for the year), but it's amazing what can change in the process of writing. You guys won't believe how long it took me to finish this. I've been literally sitting here for 2.5 hours typing up a blog entry, and erasing the thing. It definitely helped, but I still feel I need to vent online to finish the job. I can type pages about how don't know why I feel like this, and I can muse introspectively for hours, but in the end I know exactly why, and what's wrong.

    I also know there's nothing I can do but have faith, serve where I am, trust in God, and put you before myself.

    May God bless us all.

    Love,

    //Andrew =)


    Currently Listening
    Here I Stand
    By Usher
    see related

Sunday, 06 April 2008

  • Lessons Learned

    A few things I've learned this year (to be constantly updated):

    1. God works through all things, including failure

    I wouldn't exactly say I've had the best year. Academically, I'm on my way up (which is nice, don't get me wrong), but a combination of being out of Classic Lister and trying to 'develop myself', among other things, caused me to slowly neglect some of my relationships. Despite that blunder, it's been being able to make some new friends this year, and discovering that some of my existing ones have grown spiritually, or have even seriously begun inspecting / pursuing a journey with God! He's also given me the capacity to be there for some friends that really needed it. I hope I can hold my priorities in the right order now, but it's good knowing that God moves the ball forward regardless

    2. A new guitar's fretboard smells like dead bodies

    After I played my guitar for the first time, I noticed a strange scent emanating from my fingertips. Was it a burning smell from the scorching hot riffs I just picked? No, it actually smelled exactly like the embalming fluid they used in my anatomy lab when we looked at dead bodies. Go figure. Anyway, it's wearing off now, but maybe next time I want to "refurbish" my guitar I'll pay a visit to the MedSci building...

    3. Despite all the crap can go on in our lives and in the world...

    It's totally okay to feel truly blessed =)

    //CrimsonAzuri


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